i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dear god my vagina.
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