I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
