So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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