youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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