I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
