Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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