I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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