Got a toothbrush?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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