I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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