I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
