Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
