Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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