I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
