omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there was a trapeze. enough said
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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