Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
