Don't make out with my wife yet
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
