he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
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how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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