4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
