as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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