you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
