I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
