I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
