Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
