he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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