I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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