after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize