No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
