do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
