All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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