just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
