Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
