Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
