I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
