Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
