I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
