last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am mentally ready for anal.
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