Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
