I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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