dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
