I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
