this beer tastes like vomit already
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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