I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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