you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
