I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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