The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize