i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
