Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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