i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
