I heard we made out
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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