Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
