there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
