When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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