if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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