there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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