You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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