So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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