TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
