She's JV to your varsity
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize