return my video game
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
