sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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