he puts the penis in happiness.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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