she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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