i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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