I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
