Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
