I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
