The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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