There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
is that a dick in a sweater?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
