Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
