What a fucking waste of an outfit
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
