I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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