I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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