come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
