I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You are a genius and a whore.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
