I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
