Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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