YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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