I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
