I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
