Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
