I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
